


I'll Be Home For Christmas

by hunghong



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Christmas, Holidays, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-13 07:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10508688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunghong/pseuds/hunghong
Summary: Hyungwon just wants to sleep, too bad his neighbor blasts Christmas songs loudly. In March.





	1. Chapter 1

Hyungwon knocks his neighbor’s door frantically. He hasn’t slept properly for three days—heck, he hasn’t even come home for five—the last thing that he needs is a Christmas carol blasted on full volume by his neighbor.  


When the door is opened, Hyungwon doesn’t waste his time. “Could you, _please_ , turn down the—”

“Oh, perfect!” the neighbor beams, completely ignoring Hyungwon’s ongoing complaint. He opens the door wider and drags Hyungwon inside, making Hyungwon startled because this is unexpected. Hyungwon wants to stop the man and yells out his confusion and frustration, but the inside of the man’s apartment freezes his brain. The apartment is decorated as if it’s 24th December already. There are wreaths, garlands, candles—there is even a gigantic Christmas tree in the middle of the room, lighted up with small lights wrapped all over it.

There are also other things, but Hyungwon looks past them.

Hyungwon stands there, in the middle of the room, eyes wide like he is in the middle of a crime scene. His urge to yell and shout has gone, replaced with a deep bewilderment. “What the—”

The neighbor dashes to the table and comes back to Hyungwon with a star-shaped tree topper in his hands. Shoving it to Hyungwon, he grins and says, “I can’t put this up myself. I can’t reach the top.”

To say that Hyungwon is perplexed is an understatement. Looking down at the tree topper and then up to the Christmas tree, Hyungwon starts to suspect that his neighbor is somewhat crazy. Pushing the tree topper away from him, he states the obvious, “This is _March_.”

“I know,” the man smiles and pushes the tree topper back to Hyungwon. “Which makes us only nine months away until next Christmas. So, could you, _please_ , put this up for me?”

Hyungwon debates internally if he should tell the man that _nine months_ is not near enough, but there is something in the man’s eyes that lets him know that his effort would be fruitless. He stares, taking in the man’s smile, the man’s eyes, the man’s expression. This is not a fight that Hyungwon could win. “If I put this up, would you turn the volume down a bit?”

“If you put this up, I’d make you a cup of hot cocoa and let you sleep in front of my virtual fireplace. How does it sound?”

It sounds _absurd_ , but before Hyungwon could point it out, the man chuckles and squeezes his upper arm.

“And I’d turn down the volume a bit, I guess. There are some slow Christmas songs, I’d play them as a lullaby for you.”

Itsounds even _more_ absurd and the little voice of reason in Hyungwon’s head tells him to just turn around and leave his neighbor forever, but all he wants to do right then is _to sleep_ , and the idea of sleeping on the fluffy carpet right in front of that fancy virtual fireplace suddenly sounds okay.

Hyungwon puts the tree topper up with ease. The neighbor claps happily and goes to make two cups of hot cocoa for them both. They sip it in front of the virtual fireplace, hugging their knees close to their chests with fluffy blankets around their shoulders. It feels strangely familiar to Hyungwon. He distantly recalls being in a situation similar to this, probably in his childhood, and it makes him feel comfortable, although he knows he shouldn’t be.

Hyungwon learns that his neighbor’s name is Lee Minhyuk that night. He also learns that he’s not the only one lacking sleep—Lee Minhyuk dislikes sleeping alone.

_(Hyungwon doesn’t usually sleep in a stranger place upon first meeting, but he just wanted to sleep.)_


	2. Chapter 2

Hyungwon becomes accustomed to the Christmas carols sooner than he will ever admit. He still goes out for days at a time—practicing his ass off in the studio and perfecting his moves for the next performance—and Jingle Bells and Santa Claus is Coming to Town has somehow became something that he associated with _coming home_. He visits Minhyuk naturally now, always with the initial intend to tell him to turn the music down, and, more than often, he finds Minhyuk as tired as him, sitting in front of the virtual fireplace or the window or the Christmas tree, doing nothing as if he is _waiting_. So, Hyungwon always stays, because he feels like he has been waited for, and it feels normal. It feels like it should be.

Taking a slice from Minhyuk’s opened box of pizza (which is always there, somehow) is something that Hyungwon does without asking now. Minhyuk doesn’t have a bed and Hyungwon doesn’t feel like asking about it, just like he doesn’t feel like asking about a million other things, so they hang around the virtual fireplace most of the time. The fluffy carpet is comfortable enough, anyway, and Minhyuk has a massive collection of throw pillows that surround them like a fort when they fall asleep. Sometimes, they talk about the weather or some random things. Sometimes, they don’t talk at all.

Tonight, they talk. Only a little, but they talk.

“Thank you for not filing a complaint about the carols,” Minhyuk says, just when they are about to fall asleep. This seemingly comes out of nowhere, but Hyungwon has a hunch that Minhyuk was just waiting for the right time. Apparently, this is the right time.

Hyungwon hums. He muses. Opening his eyes a bit to leer at Minhyuk who is resting his head on his arm, Hyungwon asks back, “Why Christmas, though?”

Minhyuk smiles. Hyungwon couldn’t see it even if he tries, but he can _feel_ it. Minhyuk takes his time, uncharacteristically looking like he’s picking his words before answering. When he finally does, his voice sounds raspy but bright, “Christmas feels like... _home_.”

It’s funny, because Hyungwon can relate and he’s blaming Minhyuk for it. He chuckles and nudges Minhyuk’s head once. “Well, yeah.”

Minhyuk seems to be highly amused by Hyungwon’s response. He beams up to Hyungwon and grins, “There. I know you’d understand me.”

To be honest, Hyungwon doesn’t. He doesn’t understand Minhyuk. He still has a lot of questions about Minhyuk, but he never feels like asking it. Somehow, he feels that he knows _enough_. He doesn’t fully understand Minhyuk, but it’s okay.

It’s okay. Like this is okay.

Hyungwon chuckles. He turns to face Minhyuk and lets the slighter snuggle closer to him.

Hyungwon is not a touchy person, but apparently it’s not only Minhyuk that he doesn’t understand.

_(Hyungwon sleeps in Minhyuk’s place more than he sleeps in his, in the end. Sleeping on the fluffy carpet is oddly more comfortable than sleeping alone in his bed, and Hyungwon just wants to sleep, preferably more comfortably.)_


	3. Chapter 3

It is in the middle of spring when Hyungwon, for the first time since he met Minhyuk, comes home to a quiet apartment. The carols have stopped and it feels weird. He heads to Minhyuk’s apartment without checking his first and finds that the door is locked and no one is inside. When he finally goes to his own apartment, Hyungwon finds a key and a note slipped under the door.

_I’m going out for a bit :)_

_-LMH_

Hyungwon showers and moves about in his own apartment, trying to remember what he usually did before going to Minhyuk’s place is the only thing he has on the list. He manages to fix himself a cup ramyeon and eats it, but then the silence becomes too loud for him to bear.

Hyungwon picks up the key and trudges out of his own apartment. He enters Minhyuk’s apartment with the key, then goes straight to the audio system. He couldn’t believe this himself, but he turns the audio system on and plays the Christmas songs he has been (jokingly) hating for the past few months.

Hyungwon hums to the merry melody because it’s still too quiet for him. He walks around the little space and cleans up, trying to shake off the uneasiness he is having because _Minhyuk is not there_. He turns the virtual fireplace on and makes two cups of hot cocoa—because making only one feels like cheating—then plops down on the fluffy carpet.

Hyungwon sips his cocoa while eyeing the flicker of the virtual fire. He hugs his knees, feeling cold even though it is not. Around an hour later, he falls asleep with his head buried in between his knees.

Around seven in the morning, Hyungwon wakes up, finding that he’s already in a proper position to sleep. Minhyuk’s hair is the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes and a smile blooms involuntarily on his face.

Minhyuk looks exhausted but deep in his sleep. Hyungwon can see dark circles adorning Minhyuk’s pale skin and there’s a faint smell that wafts from the man—something that Hyungwon couldn’t place what but he knows it’s not Minhyuk. He still wears his jacket and Hyungwon bets he still wears his shoes too. A duffel bag is there, somewhere in Hyungwon’s peripheral view, but it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere now so it’s okay.

Hyungwon feels relieved, even though he doesn’t know what he was worrying about. It feels okay again now. It feels alright.

Circling his arm around Minhyuk’s head and burying the slighter in his chest, Hyungwon goes back to sleep.

_(The sun is already high in the sky, but now that Minhyuk is there, Hyungwon just wants to sleep.)_


	4. Chapter 4

Hyungwon has his biggest stage so far when the summer comes. He works his ass off, proofing that he is worthy of the grandeur stage. He doesn’t come home for weeks, and it only bugs him every once in a while that he didn’t say a thing about it to Minhyuk the last time they spent the night under the Christmas tree. Giving a call crosses his mind a couple of times, but Hyungwon remembers something and laughs at his stupidity every time.

They don’t have each other’s numbers.

It never crosses their minds that they need to exchange numbers. It’s just— _off limit_.

The performance is a major success. As Hyungwon stands in the middle of the stage, basking in the spotlight and bowing his final bow, his eyes scan the audience from one end to another. They have a full house that day. None of the seats is empty, but Hyungwon still feels that it’s lacking. He feels as if he is alone in the hall. It is as if he is dancing for no one.

Hyungwon denies whatever reason that comes to his head as he beams to the audience, flashing his wide smile and muttering his gratitude. However, as soon as the curtain is closed in front of him, separating him from the crowd, marking the end of his major performance, it strikes him bad.

Hyungwon wants Minhyuk to be there.

This fact is unsettling, but Hyungwon decides that, for once, he could make peace with the unsettling feeling. Maybe he should just let it be. Maybe he should let his guard down. Just this once. Just for Minhyuk.

Hyungwon goes home that night, holding a bouquet of flower that he gets from his director. He doesn’t even stop at his place. He just runs to the next door—to where Minhyuk, the Christmas tree, and the virtual fireplace are. He knocks—he never does that since the first time but he does—and the door is opened in the next heart beat.

Minhyuk stands there. His eyes are blown before turning glassy. His lips are quivering. His fingers are clutching the sleeves of his sweater.

Hyungwon has planned to give a goofy grin to Minhyuk the moment they are face to face again. This is supposed to be a happy time. He has come to terms with Minhyuk’s significance in his life, and it’s a huge leap he’s willing to take. He thought of pushing the roses to Minhyuk because it seems to be the right thing to do. He imagined Minhyuk would be all happy and smiley like he always is. He thought they would end up under the blanket, with two cups of steaming cocoa and blaring laughter, in front the virtual fireplace.

But Minhyuk isn’t smiling. In fact, tears are starting to fall down his cheeks and it’s the most horrifying scenery that Hyungwon has ever seen in his life.

“I thought you—” Minhyuk starts but doesn’t manage to finish. His voice is croaking and his body is shaking.

Hyungwon instinctively envelops Minhyuk in his embrace. His heart falls to the floor, shattering into pieces beside the fallen roses.

Minhyuk cries his heart out that night. They don’t exactly talk, but a conversation is made anyway. Minhyuk was scared, Hyungwon is sorry. Minhyuk hates to sleep alone, Hyungwon promises that he _remembers_.

It is a little bit past midnight when Minhyuk finally calms down. They sit next to the Christmas tree—Minhyuk on Hyungwon’s lap—and let the soft melody of The First Noel fill the silence for them.

Hyungwon takes his surroundings in. He is learning the place all over again. He is learning Minhyuk again. The place has changed—the lamps from the Christmas tree have been taken down and the garlands have fallen down at some places—but it still feels familiar. Minhyuk has changed too, somehow, but it’s still _Minhyuk_ , so Hyungwon doesn’t mind.

Hyungwon swallows. He needs to say something. He _has_ to.

“Min,” Hyungwon starts. His voice is hoarse and it sounds alien even to him. Minhyuk turns to look at him and he swallows again. There’s something about Minhyuk that makes it hard for him to talk. “I—”

“I’m going home this Christmas,” Minhyuk cuts before Hyungwon could say anything.

Hyungwon pulls Minhyuk so they are face to face now. Minhyuk’s eyes are wet. He is crying again.

“I— I’m going _home_ this Christmas,” Minhyuk repeats and he is breaking into sobs.

Hyungwon pulls Minhyuk into a desperate hug. He presses his lips on top of Minhyuk’s head, on Minhyuk’s cheeks, on Minhyuk’s lips.

They are hugging and crying and kissing until they fall asleep.

_(When the morning comes, both of them act like nothing happened. It was weird. The night was weird. If his mind wanders to that night again, Hyungwon would tell himself that, maybe, they just needed some sleep.)_


	5. Chapter 5

Hyungwon doesn’t fancy sleeping in the studio anymore. No matter how late he is when he finishes his practice, he always comes home every night. Most of the time, he finds Minhyuk waiting for him while humming the Christmas songs and Hyungwon swears his sprint through the night is worth it. At other times, Hyungwon comes home to an empty apartment and he feels... _something_. Not quite disappointed, but similar to it.

Sometimes, the apartment stays empty for a day or two. At other— _harder_ —times, it stays empty for a week or two.

Hyungwon never complaints, though, because, in the end, Minhyuk always comes home. He has made Minhyuk wait once, now it’s just his turn to do the waiting. It’s not an easy task, he realizes, but he keeps on waiting, knowing that Minhyuk wouldn’t really _leave_ him without saying.

At least, not until Christmas.

_Christmas_.

The fucking Christmas.

Hyungwon swears he has been trying to forget everything, including the Christmas thing Minhyuk said that weird night, but he couldn’t. Realizing that Minhyuk means _something_ to him has broken a wall that he doesn’t know how to repair it. His defense is crumbling. He starts to register more things—all the things that the past Hyungwon would ignore with ease—and want something that he shouldn’t.

Hyungwon never voices it out, though, because Minhyuk never demands anything from him and it doesn’t feel right to ask something when he couldn’t give anything. But then, finally Minhyuk wanted something and Hyungwon just couldn’t let this slip.

“You see,” Minhyuk says while fixing his head on Hyungwon’s lap, “You practice so hard but I’ve never seen you dance.”

Hyungwon twitches. After his last big performance, he has been dodging any chance to perform because he doesn’t want to be committed to the late night practices. He wants to be home. He wants to be with Minhyuk. If Minhyuk wants to see him dance, though, then it’s another story.

“There’s an upcoming performance,” Hyungwon starts, careful and unsure. An idea is emerging in his head and suddenly his heart is beating fast. “A big one. I’ve been offered to take part.”

Minhyuk hums, showing that he’s listening even though his eyes are closing. Minhyuk sleeps a lot these days and Hyungwon likes it when Minhyuk sleeps so close to him.

“The practice will be intense. I might need to stay in the studio for a long time again, like last time,” Hyungwon continues. His fingers are shifting through Minhyuk’s hair and Hyungwon doesn’t know if it calms him or Minhyuk more.

Minhyuk opens his eyes a bit, frowning.

“But it would be bigger than my last performance. It would be my best stage so far. I’ve said no to it, though, but if you want to see me dance, I might still be able to do something about it,” Hyungwon offers, gazing down on Minhyuk with hopeful eyes. _He_ wants this.

Minhyuk gives it a thought. He turns and snuggles to Hyungwon’s stomach while smiling. “Do it, Hyungwonnie,” he says. Then, he adds in a lower voice, “I’m going to be... _away_ more frequently anyway.”

Hyungwon exhales a long breath and runs his fingers on Minhyuk’s cheek. “But you have to promise me you’d come.”

“Of course,” Minhyuk says without missing a beat.

Hyungwon bites on his lips before dropping the bomb, “It’s a _Christmas_ performance.”

The room falls silent safe from the never ending Christmas carols and Minhyuk sits up, scooting away from Hyungwon.

“You know I’m going home this Christmas,” Minhyuk whispers. He is looking down and his expression is hard.

“It’s just an hour— It’s just— At least—,” Hyungwon tries to talk but he couldn’t. He closes his eyes and arranges his breath. He doesn’t even know what he is after. Minhyuk did say he would be going home this Christmas and there’s an unspoken agreement that it’s not something to negotiate about, but Hyungwon thinks that maybe, just _maybe_ , Minhyuk could push it until Christmas is really there then maybe, just _maybe_ , he wouldn’t need to go home at all. Christmas has been something that Hyungwon dreads these past few weeks. He has been counting down the days and thinking that Minhyuk _might_ still be there when the counter reaches zero gives Hyungwon a vague hope that maybe Minhyuk could _stay_ beyond that. “Just promise me to try, okay? Just try. I’ll be there waiting for you.”

Minhyuk keeps quiet for a good moment. His expression is a mixture of pain and sadness. Then, he scoots back to Hyungwon and rests his head on Hyungwon’s lap again, burying his face on Hyungwon’s belly. “Promise me it will be your best performance,” he mumbles in an exhale.

“I promise,” Hyungwon says before ducking down to plant a kiss on Minhyuk’s temple.

_(Hyungwon doesn’t sleep that night. Minhyuk does, though, and Hyungwon watches him. Hyungwon watches the rise and fall of Minhyuk’s chest. He watches the little twitches that Minhyuk does. Hyungwon starts to wish he will never need to sleep again.)_

**Author's Note:**

> I know the chapters are extremely short, but it's meant to be like that and I'm going to update it every other day, so please bear with me :)


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